A River of Roses

Paloma Foresta Resort & Spa, Turkey – Review 2018

I recently posted a vlog of my recent trip to Turkey on my YouTube channel, where we stayed at the Paloma Foresta Resort & Spa in one of the main cities, Antalya.

About The Resort:-

Situated along the Southern border, the Paloma Foresta is twinned with a chain of resorts, some sharing the name ‘Sentido’, as opposed to ‘Paloma’. Each resort holds a minimum of 4*, and we found it quite evident of the luxury rating it had been rumoured to have. 

The First Night

Upon arrival following our very cramped flight with Thomas Cook, and a very drawn out flight (thanks to the elderly lady next to me who felt the continuous need to complain about the staff to me during the entirety of the flight), we arrived at approximately 3 am. We were greeted at the front desk with a glass of champagne and a cold beer for my other half – I was quite jealous of the beer; I am a Yorkshire lass after all. I was completely delighted to see one of the cats behind the reception desk!

 

We were then directed to our rooms and our cases followed soon after by a lovely member of staff. When he arrived at our room he didn’t hesitate in showing us where everything was; including the access code to the Wi-Fi… I’ll be honest; the Wi-Fi was awful so it didn’t matter much.

 

That night we had our first (and probably worst) drama. As I was brushing my teeth I leant over to grab a towel and as I leaned forward, my leg brushed against a wood panel covering the sink, which wasn’t screwed on properly, at all. This proceeded to fall on my toe and it did come up as a bruise, but I didn’t get badly injured, so I just left it.

Our first day!

Monday morning rolled around! We were very excited to explore, so I got on my costume, and I think we had a stroll around the beautiful gardens and went along to treat ourselves to one of the all-inclusive drinks! I think my first drink was a mojito! From what I recall, it was very odd. It was sour and the sugar just tasted crunchy… There wasn’t an ounce of sweetness at all! I later came to discover that all the measurements are completely different, but I didn’t get another Mojito after that.
 

 

We then approached the buffet where I thought I had to change into ‘dinner wear’ when I came back… there were people in their swimwear… wonderful! The rest of the day consisted of wandering around a little bit more, and then we went to the buffet again for dinner!

 

Following our soon-to-be-learnt very predictable lunch, we decided to head on over to the Irish bar.

I might be from Yorkshire, but I’m also half Irish by blood and I love a good Irish bar. However, the Turkish need to do a bit more research, to say the least… The lady singing hit songs in the band playing continuously repeated (without correcting herself) “Knock, knock, knocking on heaven’s Dortch“.

 

I’m probably offending a few people here but hey… come at me! I’m from Yorkshire, come near me and I’ll throw a pork pie at yer ‘ed.

 

What also stood out to me at the Irish bar was this old classic vintage car outside. I don’t know what it is, but it looks pretty dapper doesn’t it.
We then proceeded to the general bar, which was a lot better. I even met a kitten who was hanging out with my soon to be new friends who we met the next day. The kitten was very cute; you can see it in action on my video!

Day 2!

So, the next morning we managed to wake up in time for breakfast, which was again, the same buffet food as before. I’m not sure why meat in Turkey is so red, also… but this is another thing we noticed.
After breakfast, we decided to crack on with the cocktails and sunshine. So, I got quite drunk, then fell asleep for 6 hours (with factor 50 on) and got burnt to a crisp. I didn’t enjoy my showers for the rest of the holiday. That bloody Turkish sun! Nobody is gonna get offended at me saying that so I won’t be throwing any pork pies around.
It was time for our evening meal. Due to the rest of the restaurants being full, we had to settle for the Seasons Restaurant. I have to say I wasn’t keen, but I guess as I didn’t have to pay extra, I couldn’t complain. For starters I had Beef Carpaccio, which was covered in pepper; I hate pepper. My main course consisted of Spaghetti Bolognese. My Italian relatives have always told me never to eat Italian food in a restaurant with no Italian chefs; I should’ve listened. The Spaghetti had not been salted at all, it wasn’t al dente, and it was covered in pepper… again. The main course I believe was chocolate cake and ice-cream, which got a thumbs up from me, I can live with that.

The Evening

Yes, you saw that correctly… this bit gets its own little section! So we continued on with the evening by taking a trip to the bar; this time the beach bar! Aaron and I were sat by the seafront – it was lovely. We made friends with yet another cat and didn’t make friends with the random family with the abusive child. I mean, we didn’t make enemies but we were certainly giving them evils for letting their little girl continuously terrify our new feline friend – just for the fun of it!

As time went by…

We were honestly quite sick of the family, so our friend went for a wonder and we went further indoors. Shortly after sitting down we were approached by a lovely young lad about our age who invited us to sit with him and his friends. Boy, oh boy, little did we know we were in for a bit of a wild one on our luxurious relaxation holiday! We got talking – I believe some of the people were from North Yorkshire… There was a couple from Manchester, some from Wigan. Would you believe we actually bumped into a guy from Bradford, who used to work at the pub on the end of my road at work?! Unbelievable! Anyway, safe to say it got us talking. Further, into the night we got drinks flowing, I even got up on the Dancefloor!
We met some Belgian bloke who proceeded to tell us about how much he loves concerts and he’s been to over 200. I mean he was pretty cool, not gonna lie. Loved his accent! I’m not sure how it happened but after exchanging Instagrams, getting a little bit lairy, getting told off for noise complains by the barmaids.
I ended up, with my brand new white pants… In the bushes… rescuing a kitten who LIVED THERE. Yes… you read that right! I heard meowing, so I crawled in, and it did not like me at all, poor thing hated me, and I was there trying to give it the most love it had ever been given in its entire life the ungrateful little shit. I thought it was stuck, but I walked back to the bar after one of my friends told me to give up, turned around… Guess who it was?! Yep, the kitten! So, I tried saying hello again, and nope… Wasn’t having any of it!

The Bride

She won’t remember me, and if she does, I’m sorry, I’m not saying your name so you can’t kill me, right?
That very same night the bride and groom made their grand appearance to the hotel, and the bride was not happy. The groom, on the other hand, was buzzing. I felt a bit sorry for him if I’m honest! He got himself a drink at the bar (3 am) and started talking to his friends, then he got a sudden violent nudge off the bride saying:
“Don’t you even think about getting drunk tonight we’ve got stuff to do tomorrow”

To which I replied (interrupting):

“He’s hardly gonna get drunk it’s 3 AM, everyone is going to bed soon!”

I then realised this was a bad idea 

The bride gave me the nastiest look ever. But still, I’m Emma Henry, I’m determined to make friends with anyone! I went on to congratulate them both; the groom said thank you, giving a nice cheesy grin, he looked very happy! Bride on the other hand?… “Thanks but I’m not married yet”. One more try, I thought; I’ll give her one more go just to see if she likes me a little bit and we could potentially be friends?

 

I know what you're thinking;
Emma, you don’t have to make friends with everyone you meet… I know! But I was excited for her and she just wasn’t having any of it!

So, here was the final straw… “So, what happens now then? If you’re getting married abroad, what about your honeymoon? Are you going to a different resort or a special area… somewhere else?”… “Nope, that’s next year!” She snapped.
Okay, it was quite clear that she didn’t like me, and people seemed to be revolving around them… she liked everyone else! So, with this, it was time for bed.

The Next Day

We spend the next day trying our best and failing to recover from Sunburn. I was gutted. I was finally getting to wear my new costume that I’d been longing to wear for over a year. However, all it did was scratch the shit out of me, it was a real killjoy! So, we spent the day in the shade, suffering, drinking cocktails, feeling sorry for ourselves!

The evening rolled around; yes, it was that quick! We head on over to the steakhouse in the resort, which regretfully the service was no better, and the only difference to the cuisine was the steak; starter, desert, and sides were all the same as everywhere else… Standard!

This day wasn’t nearly as exciting. We went for a quiet drink in the bar and head on up to bed preparing for our departure in the morning!

Home Time

I didn’t enjoy home time. The journey home was horrific, to be honest. We taxied home in a little van it followed no speed limit whatsoever, swerving around all the collection of potholes that Turkey had to offer.

On route we saw a farming shop with sheep roaming around the streets, cars were tooting, I wanted out… It was the most horrible thing I’d ever seen! I know different cultures have different ways of life but I felt awful for those sheep. Could they not just let them roam around in a field, or at least auction them off somewhere other than a highway with no speed limit?!
The airport was nice

I had a Subway with Tuna, Jalapenos and extra cheese… It was something I’ll happily remember. There isn’t much to be said about the flight home. Thomas Cook kindly provides their customers with next to nothing leg room, and we had a grumpy man on our isle who huffed-and-puffed when we decided that yes, we did want something off the trolley!

 

When I got home the first day back was awful. I had chronic food poisoning, my body did not like Turkish dining at all. It didn’t surprise me, really, but I was happy to be home.

Upon Reflection

Would I visit Turkey again?
I would, yes. However, I’d like to visit a different part of Turkey such as Istanbul, or somewhere else… Recommend me places!
Would I stay at this resort again?
That really is a hard question. If the food improved I genuinely would. The appearance and the cleanliness of the resort was spot on and I couldn’t fault that one bit. But the food definitely needs improving.
Would I recommend it to a friend?
I would yes. I wouldn’t go for longer than 4 days though, because there’s not much to do. But, my partner didn’t have any food poisoning and he loved it… So, maybe it’s just me!
Marks out of 10?
Food: 4
Service (excluding restaurants – they’d get 1): 7*
Accommodation: 9
Wi-Fi: 1 – Seemed to cut off at every movement.

 

* – Depends who you get. Tried telling the reception lady the toilets were fully blocked nearly over-flowing… ended up doing excentric hand gestures and her response was “Oh yes, toilet over there”.

In reality, though, I would go to Turkey again. I might seem to be exaggerating a little bit, I probably am, but the food is important to me. I was probably pissed off that I got burnt so I couldn’t tan. If I came home with a happy tummy and a happy tan I’d be a very happy man… Yes, I know I’m technically a woman but that bit sounded better.
On another note (if you’ve got this far), have you ever been to Turkey? Hotel recommendations, anyone? Let me know in the comments below!

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