A River of Roses

A Little Heart to Heart

This is probably gonna be one of those ‘dear diary’ or ‘agony aunt’ type posts… God I feel 14 again. In fact, the majority of my blog posts I always bring back my youth in some way.

Okay, so I’ll start at the beginning, reminiscing and all that, before I get all deep.

When I was little, honestly… Me and my mum; we really didn’t get on, and me and my dad were like full on best friends. We used to share the same music taste and jokes and all that, whereas me and my mum used to just argue like cat and dog. In the past few years though, she has told me that she only adopted me to wait for me to grow up a bit because she’s not that good with kids, so I’ll let her off.

Years have obviously passed since my childhood and my god, have tables turned…

Me and my mum are now like glue, and me and my dad? Not so much. It really hurts me to post this but its something that plays on my mind a LOT. I’m hoping this might just ease it a bit; a little ramble. 

I can’t remember the last time I told my dad I loved him, I can’t remember the last time my blood didn’t boil when he speaks to me. I won’t go into detail with what inspired this post because it wasn’t my dad, it was someone else’s, and that’s where I’m leaving that.

The real good memories of us are from when I was younger, I used to insist he play ‘Lay Lady Lay’ by Bob Dylan on the radio every time we got in the car (cassette tape btw). Ever since then, it has been my favourite song, it is the only song that has any meaning to my life, and I rediscovered it last year when I was putting Dylan onto my dad’s iPod, angrily, probably. But I just remember crying when I found it, and I just felt so much happiness, all the anger disappeared (granted it probably came back an hour or so later) and I just felt so uplifted, like an angel had just landed on my shoulder.

Deep ass paragraphs, soz, this ain’t like me at all… I like to give a kind of Hannah Gale type touch to my blog posts but you know, we all have our own way.

I’m kind of trying to build things up with my dad again, and since I’ve reached my 20’s, its slowly getting there. My dad is currently trying to find me a car, so it’s not like he hates me, and my god I don’t hate him at all, I just want that bond back. It’s like, I want to move out, but I’m not going anywhere until I know I’m gonna miss my dad as much as my mum and the dog. 

I’m gonna leave this little ramble here and probably update whoever cares in future blog posts. I’m trying to be all speedy because my boyfriend is in the shower and I don’t want him coming back in the room with me sobbing, because I don’t really want to tell him! 

Anyway, I guess I’m off now, I’ll definitely have a normal post up whenever that is… byeee x
 

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